Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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