Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
