You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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