On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
