Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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