woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
