I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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