Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
