SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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