I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
