is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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