i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
