Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she told me i tasted like america
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
