I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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