i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Enjoy the penises
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
