Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
