the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
