She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
