Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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