I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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