i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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