I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
