I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
