Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
