i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
