do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
