I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
