I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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