Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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