i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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