How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
