there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
