i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
