I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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