can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Alive.
So much puke
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
