No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
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You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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