Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
