she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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