I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
