yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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