Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
