i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
