doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
