So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
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You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.