i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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