toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
