You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married