I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.