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You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword