this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
