Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
