I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
