what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
