my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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