walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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