Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
