He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
