maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
