maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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