He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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