we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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