I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
