So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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