Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
