It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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