Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
