so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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