Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Mom said you looked used
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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