My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
