I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
