if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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