I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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