Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
