ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
