bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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