You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
