is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
