i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
