I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Enjoy the penises
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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