Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
