I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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