I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
